Today is my 25th birthday, and it feels bleak to celebrate. It is my birthday, everything in my life is going right, and I feel healthy, but every time I look at my phone, I am met with vitriol.
Mere hours after taking office, Donald Trump made a sweeping statement recognizing “male” and “female” as the only two genders of the state, and furthermore issued an executive order barring thousands of passport applicants from self-selecting their preferred gender marker. Days later, he demanded that all gender-affirming care for patients under the age of 19 be halted. Despite nothing being written into law and the order itself being illegal especially in safe haven states like New York and New Jersey, local hospitals such as NYU Langone have been quietly cancelling appointments for minors. A list of “forbidden terms” now banned from CDC journals includes “gender,” “transgender,” “LGBT,” “non-binary,” and “assigned male/female at birth.” Our rights are being revoked in government buildings, in the military, and in sports. One morning, I expect to wake up and have to figure out how to obtain my testosterone on the gray market.
If you ask any trans person you know (if you really know one), we could tell you that we saw this all coming. In fact, we screamed through the bloodied bars of our enclosures that these horrors—and many others, which have had a negative domino impact on other marginalized populations—would come to fruition, but not a lot of people seemed to notice, or care, or let the gravity of our condition firmly sink in. On the latter point, I get it. When someone you love is in imminent danger of elimination from public life, it is hard to even fathom it being the reality. But it is. It is hard to reckon with the fact that the system was never built with us in mind, and that we have to dismantle it piece by piece to ensure that everyone can live equitably. But we have to.
For the longest time, I have been trying to figure out what to do next professionally. Now that the storm in my personal life has calmed itself down, all I can think about is, what should I make now? In recent years, I have been using multi-colored self-portraits to chronicle my medical trials and my struggles with interpersonal belonging. There is only so much I can say that has not already been said, however.
So, I came up with an idea for a project. It had to be something that felt true to me and my practice of committing to canvas the images of those on society’s margins, but it also had to tap into my mutual aid activist roots and be about something bigger than myself. I did not think I would be launching it for feelers so soon (I am writing this post less than 24 hours before it is scheduled to be published), but with the taste of everything going on being so bitter in my siblings’ mouths (and hopefully my birthday will help shove this through social media’s algorithms too), it felt imperative.
I am excited to launch “Forbidden Terms,” my next long-term series of paintings, and to announce an ongoing open call for live trans models in the New York and New Jersey area. The purpose of this initiative is to showcase the likenesses of trans people in America as they authentically see themselves, while also paying them their dues.
This is a project that I have been thinking about for a long time now. The first time an inkling for it ever emerged was back in college, when I was taking an intro-level painting class and was given the assignment to create a series. My professor, the great contemporary painter Joseph Adolphe, told me that it was pretty gutsy to be the only person in the cohort working in portraiture for my series. I ended up producing four total works, including the one below of my friend Rose, all depicting trans individuals at various stages of their social and medical transitions. Since then, I have learned so much more about myself, my community, and my artistic technique. Why not revisit the subject? After all, we have always been here, learning and growing and resisting.
Here’s how it will work:
You will fill out an interest form that will tell me more about you and give me ideas to start sketching.
I will reach out to you via email to find a day and time that works for you to meet me in my studio (a.k.a. my house).
You will sit for a portrait with me while I get the major areas of the painting done. No need to worry about staying still the whole time or eating up 8+ hours of your day; I promise you will not have to do either.
I will make you dinner.
Upon the sale of the piece or any reproductions I make of it, you will receive money from me via Venmo, Cashapp, Zelle, etc. amounting to 25% of the total sale. No further questions asked.
Why do this? Because it is a way to utilize my specific skill set to care for the community that has been my shelter for such a long time. It gives me a chance to build my portfolio and meet so many other great, creative people aligned with the same survival mission as me. It is not only an avenue for me to potentially offer monetary support, but it allows me to capture the essence of these individuals and make a difference in someone’s general wellbeing. I know what it is like to feel outside of your body, especially when it is under threat of attack, and sometimes we need reminders that others can see and feel our auras. Exhibiting these works in the traditionally cisgender-dominated art world will allow for more eyes to be on us and our needs in this current moment. And most importantly, it incentives these majority-cis allies to invest in work by trans artists (me) and support other trans people (you, presumably) in return.
Consider the submission link below permanently open for the foreseeable future, even when these four years are over, since we suffer no matter who is in office. If you are trans and in the area, I implore you to reach out so we can break bread, laugh, cry, and make art. If you happen to be nervous, I will assuage you: so am I. The last time I did a live painting from a model was in college. So really, there is no experience required. We can work through the kinks together. And no need to beat yourself up over not being “important enough” to be depicted in such a light. Of course you are! I will illustrate anyone.
Reach out if you have any questions. I hope you all share this far and wide with your networks. Solidarity forever.
We are going to win this, by the way.